Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. If you’re interested in hearing from The Times regularly about great TV, sign up for our Watching newsletter and get recommendations straight to your inbox.
The Mueller report has finally arrived, and while it’s going to take time to comb through all 448 pages of heavily redacted content, one thing that has boggled the minds of the late-night hosts is its method of delivery. The official report was shared with members of Congress this morning via CD-ROM.
“They got the Mueller report the same way we all got Encarta. Seriously, this is how the government handles one of the most anticipated documents in recent history? Was it a report or did they just send Congress a mixtape?” — SETH MEYERS, referring to the digital encyclopedia
“I’m disappointed. Everyone knows obstruction sounds more authentic on vinyl.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
Once he was able to read the report, though, Colbert found enough fodder for two full monologues at the top of “The Late Show.” Something he found quite telling was the idea that President Trump provided plenty of opportunities for his staff to get him in trouble, but they seemed to ignore his commands.
“It’s a shock to find out both which associates declined to carry out his orders, and what they declined to do. Like his former campaign manager Corey Lewandowski, who did not deliver the president’s message to Attorney General Jeff Sessions that he should confine the Russia investigation to future election meddling only.” — STEPHEN COLBERTRhymes With ‘Infractions’
Jimmy Fallon was inspired by both the Mueller report and the new Rolling Stones record to perform a parody of “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” that is instead “(Can’t Take No) Redactions.”Not Really a Night King, Maybe More of a Littlefinger
Trump’s gloating response to the report’s findings was notably present on Twitter today, where he shared a “Game of Thrones”-style image of himself staring into a foggy abyss reminiscent of Westeros.
Jimmy Kimmel wondered if Trump knew it was a “Game of Thrones” reference or if he instead thought the photo “was taken in the steam room at Mar-a-Lago.”
“That picture, by the way, is Trump posing next to all the smoke that William Barr just blew up his [expletive].” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“I only hope this is Trump's final season. But this is great news for Trump’s hard-core supporters, or as they are also known, really white walkers.” — JAMES CORDEN
“Say what you will about this president: He has Americans reading again.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“There are numerous examples of Trump’s aides ignoring his wishes. The reason Donald Trump is still in the White House is because no one in the White House is listening to him.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“On the obstruction charge, according to the report, the president repeatedly tried to make efforts to interfere with the Russia investigation. But the only reason Trump didn’t get charged with obstruction is that his aides refused to carry out his orders. Trump is so ineffective he managed to make his own campaign follow the law. Forget colluding with the Russians, he couldn’t even collude with his own staff.” — JAMES CORDEN
“Now, if you’ve got nothing to hide, why do you have to set up the report first? ‘Officer, before I open the trunk of this car, I’d like to first give a short speech about what you’re about to smell.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT, on Attorney General William Barr’s news conference preceding the release of the report
Colbert welcomed Neal Katyal, the former acting solicitor general, onto “The Late Show,” asking questions about the Mueller report that only Katyal, the creator of special counsel regulations, could answer.
In non-Mueller related clips, Mero quizzed Desus on famous white people (Sandra Bullock! Chris Evans!) and he failed spectacularly.Also, Check This Out
The stand-up comic Ramy Youssef takes on the challenge to make modern Muslim culture less misunderstood and more humorous in his new Hulu series “Ramy,” a critic’s pick for the week. As our reporter Sopan Deb writes of the show, "Ramy” is “proof why better representation makes for better TV.”
Plus, Ideas for What to Watch Tonight:
The 50 Best Movies on Netflix Right Now
The 25 Best Films of the 21st Century
The Best Movies on Amazon Prime Video Right NowB:
金钥匙三中三高手论坛【第】【二】【节】【临】【近】【下】【课】，【傅】【然】【布】【置】【完】【作】【业】，【乔】【锦】【书】【醒】【了】。 【睫】【毛】【在】【寄】【知】【许】【的】【手】【心】【扇】【风】，【痒】【痒】【的】，【让】【他】【忍】【不】【住】【握】【手】，【掐】【了】【个】【满】【怀】。 【乔】【锦】【书】【睁】【眼】，【却】【看】【不】【见】，【有】【点】【慌】【张】，【眨】【眼】【的】【频】【率】【更】【高】【了】。 【没】【睡】【醒】，【在】【睡】【会】。 【诶】【诶】【诶】，【是】【谁】【掐】【我】【的】【脸】。 【轻】【点】【轻】【点】。 【她】【挣】【脱】【却】【被】【束】【缚】。 【寄】【知】【许】【察】【觉】【到】【她】【睡】【醒】【了】，【轻】【咳】【了】
【还】【有】【大】【概】【好】【几】【十】【天】，【就】【要】【过】【年】【了】，【在】【此】，【先】【给】【大】【家】【拜】【个】【早】【年】【吧】，【大】【家】，【过】【年】【好】【啊】~ 【首】【先】，【要】【非】【常】【郑】【重】【的】【感】【谢】，【那】【些】【追】【着】【这】【本】【书】【的】【书】【友】【们】，【从】【头】【到】【尾】，【感】【谢】【你】【们】【的】【支】【持】，【没】【有】【你】【们】【的】【支】【持】，【我】【也】【坚】【持】【不】【下】【去】，【有】【你】【们】【在】，【我】【知】【道】，【我】【不】【是】【自】【己】【一】【个】【人】，【感】【谢】【你】【们】【的】【陪】【伴】，【感】【谢】【你】【们】【的】【认】【可】。 【可】【能】【你】【们】【要】【说】，【谁】【认】【可】
【众】【人】【来】【到】【地】【狱】【之】【门】，【云】【中】【君】【设】【的】【结】【界】【已】【经】【出】【现】【了】【缺】【口】，【几】【只】【面】【目】【狰】【狞】，【凶】【残】【可】【怖】【的】【恶】【鬼】【正】【争】【先】【恐】【后】【地】【往】【外】【挤】。 【少】【司】【命】【打】【了】【个】【响】【指】，【几】【道】【光】【穿】【过】【那】【些】【恶】【鬼】【的】【胸】【膛】，【它】【们】【瞬】【间】【化】【为】【灰】【烬】。 【漆】【黑】【的】【缺】【口】【里】【闪】【着】【无】【数】【双】【泛】【着】【红】【光】【的】【眼】【睛】，【邪】【恶】【蠢】【蠢】【欲】【动】。 【云】【中】【君】【先】【施】【法】，【将】【缺】【口】【补】【上】。【紧】【接】【着】【是】【山】【鬼】，【随】【后】【是】【大】【司】【命】
【然】【而】【不】【管】【是】【什】【么】【原】【因】，【在】【战】【场】【上】【都】【不】【能】【大】【意】。 【甚】【至】【少】【年】【们】【都】【不】【能】【去】【考】【虑】【比】【赛】【的】【事】，【在】【这】【里】【还】【存】【有】【私】【心】，【简】【直】【就】【是】【作】【死】。 【各】【军】【校】【的】【队】【伍】【迅】【速】【集】【结】。 【在】【他】【们】【落】【地】【的】【时】【候】，【教】【官】【就】【已】【经】【将】【已】【知】【的】【信】【息】【分】【享】【给】【他】【们】【了】。 【这】【里】【是】【云】【和】【星】【弗】【洛】【可】【小】【镇】，【一】【个】【小】【时】【前】【遭】【遇】【科】【里】【异】【族】【希】【冀】。 【如】【果】【是】【以】【前】，【根】【本】【不】【会】【有】金钥匙三中三高手论坛“【唉】！【糖】【糖】【你】【别】【跑】【这】【么】【快】【啊】，【撞】【到】【阿】【姨】【了】【哦】。”【于】【语】【正】【想】【阻】【止】【女】【儿】【冲】【来】【的】【姿】【势】，【可】【小】【家】【伙】【就】【是】【把】【一】【张】【带】【着】【油】【彩】【的】【画】【啪】【的】【一】【下】【拍】【在】【了】【迟】【羽】【柒】【的】【裙】【子】【上】。 “【对】【不】【起】【阿】【姨】……” 【她】【吐】【吐】【舌】【头】，【见】【妈】【咪】【起】【身】【过】【来】，【赶】【紧】【转】【身】【又】【朝】【画】【画】【的】【桌】【子】【跑】【回】【去】。 【迟】【羽】【柒】【笑】【了】【笑】，【捡】【起】【那】【张】【贴】【她】【裙】【子】【上】【的】【画】，“【糖】【糖】【吓】【着】【了】【吧】？【小】
【这】【两】【个】【奇】【怪】【的】【客】【人】，【一】【人】【头】【发】【花】【白】，【可】【看】【起】【来】【身】【强】【力】【壮】【的】，【虽】【然】【身】【子】【有】【些】【佝】【偻】【可】【说】【起】【话】【来】【中】【气】【十】【足】，【小】【二】【与】【他】【们】【该】【说】【的】【说】【了】，【该】【比】【划】【的】【也】【比】【划】【了】，【可】【那】【两】【人】【就】【是】【不】【说】【话】。 【特】【别】【是】【那】【个】【身】【后】【背】【着】【一】【把】【大】【剑】【的】，【看】【着】【就】【累】【人】，【也】【不】【知】【道】【他】【们】【是】【从】【哪】【座】【城】【池】【来】【的】，【自】【己】【说】【的】【大】【漠】【语】【也】【不】【差】【啊】，【怎】【么】【就】【听】【不】【懂】【呢】。 【随】【后】【小】